Ditch Unwanted Habits
Four-Step Program: Unwanted Habits
Self-Pity
We might not immediately realise that we are falling into self-pity. What we do tend to notice is some form of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. For example, feelings of boredom, anger, sadness, numbness, acute self-awareness, and so on. Maybe self-demanding thoughts, resentments, or fatalism.
When we recognise what is going on our natural response can be to come up with a self-demand to be strong/sensible/less-sensitive/etc. These self-demands are likely to be counter-productive of course. The consequence of loading extra demands on top of our emotional discomfort is increased emotional discomfort, including misery, and a reducing ability to choose wisely. The next self-defence could be a giving up, a slide into apathy typified by an "I don't care" attitude. If your self-pity has changed into apathy then check out the section on apathy in the Four-Step Program challenges.
There is another way that discomfort might play out for some. I have heard it claimed that these uncomfortable feelings can be just an excuse to want to continue with our habit, a kind of internally-generated excuse (or sneaky temptation) that ends up maintaining our habit. This would fit for a repeating automatic drama that hooks into the idea that our habit is some form of antidote to discomfort. If this is going on preconsciously then it is indeed yet another type of temptation.
Resisting self-pity, when you recognise it, can be achieved in a number of ways. Repetitive uncomfortable feelings or long periods of distress may indicate professional therapy or extended group-work. Both of these are beyond the scope of the Four-Step Program to address, though there are resources elsewhere in this website that are worth searching out. A more available option could be to remind yourself of your true and deeper values. What sort of a person are you, even if you are not feeling it deeply in the moment?
Use a repeating personal avowal to reduce self-pity and to improve your self-connectedness and reaffirm your ability to be self-determining and self-honouring.
Here is a guided meditation that you may find useful. It is intended to remind your Automatic Mind that you can cope with and enjoy life without distress.
Trancework Meditation.
Click here to reduce your chance of falling into 'poor-me':
Enjoying Life